Does He Love You or Love You Not?


7 things a man will do that truly loves you:

  1. Provide Security

A real man that truly loves you wants to provide financial security. This doesn’t make a woman a “gold digger.” A woman that demands this is smart and has self-esteem, and a man that aims to provide financial security does so because he loves you and wants to fulfill your basic need for safety. Christianity, Judaism, and Islam all teach that a man should provide for his family.

Please know that I am definitely not some anti-feminist that wants to rob women of their hard-earned college degrees, the joy of a meaningful career, and the ability to earn a sizeable income! I love working and knowing that I am fully capable to care for myself. Rather, I seek to enlighten young women especially, that a man that loves you will want to fulfill your needs by working, constantly improving, saving money, etc. A man that says he loves you, but sits home and plays video games all day while you work and fret over finances, ain’t in love…and if y’all aren’t married then he needs to go!

2. Respect you

The word respect comes from the Latin word “respectus” which means “regard.” Does your boyfriend or husband know and verbally express that they admire you, and that you have strengths that they may not have? Think for a moment about anyone you have ever respected a great deal. Maybe it’s your parents, a teacher, or your minister. The reason that you respected them was rooted in admiration of their specific knowledge or a quality they possessed that you did not. Sure, you may have learned from them and gained this valuable knowledge or emulated them in order to attain their distinguishing characteristic, but at the root of your respect, you knew that they were better than you in some way. A man that loves you will have the humility to ask for your help or advice in certain matters, and will always consider your input in all matters…because you matter…and he respects you.

3. Show kindness derived from love, not self-love

A man that loves you wants to please you. He secretly (or sometimes not so secretly) seeks your approval and wants your recognition for going the extra mile and doing nice things. Everyone wants an “atta boy” and a pat on the back sometimes. There are so many examples of what true, unselfish love may look like, but not all things that seem kind are actually genuine.

Make sure you are paying attention to his motives. Are the kind gestures out of love for you, or love for himself? Well, look at his track record. Do you “owe” him for his favors? Does he need to brag or tell everyone all of the nice things that he has done for you? Any narcissist will do seemingly kind things for a woman to put himself on display and gain attention. A man that loves you doesn’t keep score and self-sacrifices his happiness and comfort for yours. He may appreciate a “thank you,” but if you don’t always recognize him for his thoughtfulness, he’s ok with that too. Making you happy makes him happy.

4. Listen to you AND ask questions

All women want their man to listen to them about their day, what they ate for lunch, the new girl at work that is a total clueless bitch, the boss you don’t like, how the kids drove you crazy all day, etc. Does he listen because he’s trapped in a house with you or wants something from you, or does he listen because he’s your best friend and genuinely cares? He should ask follow-up questions, give his insight and actually communicate with you on a daily basis. If he loves you, then your problems are his problems too, and your victories are his victories! Very few men are going to want to talk for hours on end and stay up late painting your toenails while you gab about all of the latest gossip, but a man that honestly loves you will find the time and energy to communicate about all things that you find important or interesting.

5. Surprise you (in a good way)

First of all, I will concede that many men struggle with this one. Also, some women really don’t like surprises. (I’m guessing those are the women that have either never been surprised, or their man is clueless on what actually constitutes a GOOD surprise). By the way, men reading, a good surprise is not doing the dishes, washing our car, or picking up the groceries. Don’t get me wrong, for performing those tasks we are grateful, but they are somewhat expected. Is it a surprise that I washed your smelly socks? Let’s be honest, you would be more surprised if I didn’t…maybe even feel a little forgotten. So what constitutes a good surprise? A surprise that will make her day or even her year? The answer really depends on the woman, but anything that she talks about wanting to buy or wanting to do, is a great start. You need not be wealthy to do this either! Maybe she has mentioned wanting to buy a certain book, wanting to get her nails done for her first day at her new job, or maybe missing an out of town relative. Buy her the book and then really shock her by having written a heartfelt message on the inside cover. When running errands together one day, pull into the nail salon, pay for her manicure and patiently wait while she has them done as if there is no where else you’d rather be. If she is missing her family, secretly arrange a weekend trip to see them, or if you host her family as a surprise, make sure to take care of things like cleaning the house and making dinner reservations.

A good surprise does not have to include international travel with first class seating or a catered birthday party on a yacht with her closest friends and family. One or the other will suffice. Just kidding! (Unless you are my fiancĂ©…hint, hint…)

Basically, if he does what he’s supposed to do in #4 of this list, then knowing what you ultimately long for shouldn’t be too tough, and a man in love will come through for you in unexpected ways.

6. Take the burden from you

This is a really important one! If a man tells you that he loves you, but fails to help you in ways that you can’t help yourself, then he does NOT truly love you! A real man that loves you will listen to your worries and stresses and will step up and step in, if at all possible. Whether it’s needing an appliance fixed, needing an errand run in a time frame that is simply impossible with your schedule, or simply letting you go to bed at 7 pm after a bad day while he cares for the children, a man that loves you wants to help you and give you a break.

Don’t expect him to be a mind reader…communicate your needs. You might even have to outright ask him for his help! Not all men are created equally in the emotional intelligence department, but once he knows what is troubling you, he will go out of his way to make your life a little easier.

7. Speak kindly to you and about you

A man that loves you will not belittle you. He will have more patience with you than with anyone else. He will not purposefully divulge embarrassing details about you and your life to anyone. He will not talk about the problems between the two of you, other than to a trusted friend that can try to remain impartial. No man is perfect, but there are many ways to cheat on your partner, not just physical intimacy. Be careful whom you allow back into your life after their disparaging words have betrayed you. If it happens once, it’s likely to happen again.


**For women reading, please understand that several of the seven ways to know that a man loves you, goes both ways. Every relationship is give and take and takes a lot of work! Just make sure you aren’t doing all of the work, all of the time…


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